i need an iv and a liver transplant
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
