he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
