I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We need a shit load of segways right now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
