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the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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