my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
