drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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