too bad you live with your parents still
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my shit smells like andre
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
