Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, beer. Big fan.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
