my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
