Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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