I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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