I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
