I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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