Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
