before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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