That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
