i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
