If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
