so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
