Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
