Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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