I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
