how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
