The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
