i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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