I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize