I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
