it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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