While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
