I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
