# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
