dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize