Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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