gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
