I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize