Yo dont text me then not text me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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