What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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