you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
