every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize