just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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