my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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