I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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