I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize