So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
