life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
