Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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