the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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