We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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