I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
