how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
