he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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