too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize