My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
