Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
