sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
