All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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