he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
