You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
