20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
