Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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