fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize