Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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