i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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