Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
