I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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