Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
