Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
