can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
