my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
