All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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