i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
