i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
