Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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