Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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