this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
