ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
