you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
