he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
