Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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