Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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