my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
