I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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