Do you still have your period?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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