I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
