We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
