Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
