My first STD was from a foam party
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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