sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
